Spring Is For Flowers

This shirt I got out of the plus size section. I saw it and fell in love so I tried it on and decided I could get away with wearing it. But I'll be honest, there was a moment of fear and regret that I was potentially taking such a cute shirt away from someone who would fit into it better than I do. I genuinely feel bad if I think about it too much. 

Also to all of those people out there (mainly my coworkers) who haven't noticed I dyed my hair red... can you tell now? 

I really want Fashion Fridays to be a thing. Something that stays. So I'm going to do my best to keep up with these types of posts every Friday, but please don't be expecting one every week, we all know it won't happen. 

It's Springtime now! I love Spring! The weather isn't too cold, it has been super rainy though. It rained most of the day I took these pictures, I was lucky to get out at a dry moment, but it was rather chilly. I love this season. I love that it means flowers are here. So I love wearing my new favorite shirt with the floral details! 

At the end of this post you can find some of my other favorite floral print shirts available for purchase, so keep reading to see more of my pictures and to shop for some other great floral print shirts and dresses! 

Who Do You Think You Are? - Writing Prompt Wednesdays

Hello my friends in the Dancing Cow Herd! As you may know, I am a writer. Now previously I would probably have said "future writer" but I'm trying to be more confident and assertive in what I do. It was all in a speech thing I went to by Kyle Beckerman. As a child he gave himself his number for the World Cup team and would sign his notes with that number. He assumed and believed he would achieve that goal someday and made it real. That's what I'm trying to do. I am a writer.

Anyways, long tangent. In order for me to be a writer, I have to write, obviously. So I decided to give myself writing prompts every Wednesday to work on to give myself practice writing, and I want you to join in as well. These prompts will be posted on this blog as well as my Tumblr page. I think Tumblr will be a great way for you to participate in these as well, but obviously there are dozens of ways we can all do this together.

Here's how I am going to do them. Between blogging, YouTube, and working on writing a best selling novel, my free time can be a little crazy. So here's the formula I am going to use for every writing prompt:

Two minutes of brainstorming followed by ten minutes of writing. Then one minute of polishing up the ending and minor editing.

For me, this will be the best way to get my writing practice in. I'm certain my writing prompts will be interpreted in many different ways, so whether you favor fiction, biographical, or even art, you are welcome to do it however you want... but if you want to do it in an art form that would be the coolest thing ever.

Oh! And I will give shout-outs to my personal favorite interpretations of the writing prompt the following week. So join in and you may receive a shout-out from me!

So without any further ado, let's see what this week's prompt is, followed by my interpretation.

Daisy stared out the window, her mind wandering, distracted by the clear, never-ending blue of the sky. There were hardly any trees or buildings around. Just the sky. 

"Daisy!" His shouting brought her out of her trance and she turned immediately to face him. Thomas stared at her with a strange expression. "Stop getting distracted. I asked you a question." 

"I know." Daisy replied, lowering her head to look towards her hands. Her fingers were wrestling with each other on her lap. "I'm sorry." 

"This is why it isn't working." Thomas sighed. "You're always lost in your own world, far away from here." Daisy glanced back up at him, frowning slightly. Of course she was. Who wouldn't want to be far from this small town where nothing ever happened, where no one ever visited, and no one ever seemed to leave. She wanted to be the first. The first to get out and do something different. 

"You're always distracted." Thomas continued. "It's like you're never satisfied with what you have here." Thomas's eyes dropped. "Like you're not satisfied with us." Daisy stared at him a moment, not speaking, her mind spinning. 

"That's who I am." Daisy replied slowly. "That's who I want to be. I don't want to settle for what's around me. I want adventure. I want to follow my dreams. I want to have to fight for something." 

"That's not what normal people do." Thomas argued. 

"But maybe it's what they should do." Daisy countered. "Don't you want something more from this life? Something better? You can't be one hundred percent completely satisfied with following your father's dream for you, can you? Don't you want to go on an adventure with me?" 

"Daisy..." 

"Who do you think you are?" Daisy asked loudly. Thomas's eyes widened. "And who do you want to be?" Daisy watched Thomas's blank expression slowly turn into a smile. He reached forward and grabbed her hand, pulling her off her chair, out of the building, and into a new adventure. 

Jon McLaughlin Concert

*My blog is transitioning to a scrapbook of my life. That's what this post is.

So let's get you in the mood first:

Sister love!

Jerad Finck

JON MCLAUGHLIN!!! Oh my gosh he's so perfect!!! 

My actual view of Parachute

Zoomed in Parachute

Wednesday April 13th I drove down to SLC with my aunt and cousin to meet up with my mom, her BFF, and my sister for a girl's night! For this wonderful, magical night, we saw my absolute favorite singer of ALL TIME. Oh, and Parachute.

So first off was Jerad Finck (you have no idea how difficult it was to find the correct spelling of his name. He was on his own, no band. Just him and his guitar, and I thought he did amazing. You can hear his stuff on Spotify HERE. We felt bad because after at the tables no one was approaching him. But I got my picture with him. I thought he had awesome hair.

Then my love Jon McLaughlin came out... and I was basically dying. I'm pretty sure this was my fourth time seeing him in concert and every time he's incredible. He sounds as good, if not better, than the album version and watching him play the piano is just mesmerizing. He also played guitar for a song. He's such a perfect human being.

After his set ended... I was a little sad. It was a Parachute concert and I do like their songs, but I honestly just came for Jon and it wasn't long enough for me, though he did play my favorite off his new album, Let Go, it's amazing. It's in the video below.

So the venue was one where there are no seats and you're just standing the whole time. So my mom wanted out of the crowd and pushed her way through (seriously those people would not move). She was only gone a little while before texting my aunt and saying she was talking to Jon. So obviously I took off through the crowd and got to approach him at his table.

I don't think I've ever been so awkward in my life, but I honestly just love him so much. I got my picture with him, he signed a poster for me, and as I purchased one of his t-shirts he told me it was his favorite one of his. Basically, I died last night.

By the time Parachute went on I was stuck in the back and was not going to try to push my way back through, which is why my pictures of them are not so good. But they were amazing. I really do think they are extremely talented and deserve much more fame and recognition (although double that sentiment for Jon). You can check out Parachute's Spotify page HERE.

Overall it was a magical night. I love Jon McLaughlin. His song "Four Years" got me though high school and his music always inspires my writing and my attitude. I hear any of his songs and I smile. He's brilliantly talented and so handsome. But he (according to Facebook) is the absolute sweetest husband to his lovely wife and he has the cutest daughter like... ever. So I know I keep talking about how much I love him, but we're both happily married, there's nothing actually romantic about it. I just love him though. Chris understands... I hope.

"Let Go" - My favorite song off his new album. Sorry for the narrow, phone video. I'm working on getting a vlogging camera for various reasons, but this is one of them. 

Parachute! There's a weird cut in this video, I had paused the recording. 

Back To Basics

You're probably wondering what a late night, no makeup, freshly dried hair, zit on the forehead, horrible lighting selfie has to do with anything. So I'll explain.

It has come to my attention that my blog has strayed far from what I want it to be. I no longer do fashion post, even though I love doing them, I never have pictures, though I don't have a great camera, and I ramble... a lot.

So I've made the decision to start (another) new era on my blog. Simplicity. No more rambling when people don't want it (but I will clearly ramble in posts I want to). No more picture-less posts, in fact, I want picture only posts! And no more taking breaks from posting.

I want consistency and simplicity. And that's the new goal. We're going back to basics and keeping it all simple. So I hope you're ready for less of my ramblings.

Everyday Makeup Routine

Sunday Scrapbook/Journal

Hello friends! So a while ago I started Sunday Scrapbook on my blog and literally did one post and it ended, because that's how good I am at blogging. But today I'm bringing it back, however there aren't going to be pictures, so it's really just a journal. I just have a lot of thoughts to get out.

So it is currently Saturday afternoon as I am writing this post, and I am sitting in bed like I have been for the past 48 hours. And yes, I am the laziest person you'll ever meet, but no this isn't out of laziness.

Monday night is when this all began. I got out of the shower and I was freezing. Literally shivering, teeth chattering, beyond freezing, and no matter what I did I couldn't get myself warm. Chris bundled me up in blankets and I went to bed early that night and he had felt my forehead and was pretty sure I had a fever.

So Tuesday through Thursday this same sort of thing kept happening throughout the day. I also seemed to have some weird stomach thing and had a difficult time eating non-bland foods, and even then it was difficult to keep food in. Not to mention a few migraines. But, despite being absolutely miserable I still went to work everyday because of my work's insane sick-leave policy.

But then Thursday night came and I was waking up and running to the bathroom every hour, nearly passing out every time I got up due to lack of food, and sweating uncontrollably from a ridiculously high fever. It was a terrible night and I woke up not feeling any better so Chris called into my work and said I wouldn't be coming in. Because despite the chance of getting in trouble for missing, they cannot expect me to work when I have a fever and am running to the bathroom every hour.

All of Friday was sitting in bed and running to the bathroom. It was gross, I've never felt more disgusting in my life. That night I took a shower, but the hot water and my lack of food almost made me pass out again.

Last night I slept a little better, but I was still burning up and freezing at the same time, sweating, and had to frequent the bathroom. (Which no longer makes sense to me. How is there anything left in me? I've already lost three pounds from this!)

Currently, I'm still having issues. I don't think I have a fever at the moment, but sitting up to write this is hurting my stomach. If I'm laying down I'm fine, so I'm just trying to get through this quickly.

Random note, bravo to my little Zoram. Our puppy is still having issues with training so he thinks that outside is for walking, running around, but not for playing with us. He thinks playtime should be done whenever Chris and I are trying to relax inside. So I have not been able to keep him around me much during my at-home imprisonment. I can't deal with my illness while fighting off a clawing, biting puppy. He's just chilling in the kitchen. Chris does come home and take him out, makes sure he gets playtime in, but we live in an apartment and due to several incidents he cannot go outside without his leash so I can't take him out in my current condition. I am checking on him, making sure he has food and water, but he's been super well behaved being alone in the kitchen the past two days. Bravo Zoram, my little cutie.

I'm pretty sure I should be seeing a doctor though considering how long this all has lasted. I don't think I've ever had an illness like this last so long and make me feel so terrible. Currently, my stomach is just aching, and I'm nibbling on Saltines and they aren't helping at all. So maybe, hopefully, I'll be seeing a doctor soon and this will get resolved quickly.

I'm very upset became tonight (again, this is being written on Saturday) is a Real Salt Lake game and we have tickets... but I can't go. With the complete lack of food in my body, still having stomach issues, and a fever that keeps coming back, going to a soccer game tonight sounds like a terrible idea. But I LOVE Real games and I'm really mad about this.

So you know how your emotions can effect your body and well-being? Well there's a part of me that keeps thinking that my fear of this week (the week my miscarried baby was due) is what made me sick. But that's way too powerful! I mean, I can't even take time to think about my lost child when I feel like this. I feel like absolute crap. I feel like I would rather take on the emotional pain than this, because this is freaking ridiculous. So if that's what happening I just want it all to stop. It would have been a bad week whether or not I got sick, but it made it 10 times worse by getting sick.

As for my post yesterday, I wrote that a few weeks ago when I was going through a rough patch. The last time I read it was actually a week ago and I don't feel like I can read it now. I miss my baby and I really wish I was pregnant again or that I had a baby now, even though I'm even more scared now than I was before. You never know what can happen with pregnancy, and even with young babies, and that stupid misfortunate miscarriage scarred me for life and I'm terrified of what might happen.

Also, because today was my due date I really wanted to do something special with Chris. Something fun to take our minds off of it. Lying in bed watching Friends on Netflix with Saltines and water is not at all what I had in mind and I'm super annoyed that this is what I'm stuck with. (Though I'm so in love with Friends, greatest show ever.)

This post is longer than I expected, and probably really boring since there are no pictures to go with it. Blog posts without pictures are just the worst! (I'm so guilty of doing that all the time though.) But if you've made it this far, congrats! You're a real member of the Dancing Cow Herd.

This was basically just storytelling about my week, journaling to be exact. So someday when I'm old I'll look back and find it just so fascinating that I was sick for a week once and never visited a doctor... or purchased an actual thermometer to measure my fever. But I can promise you my fever was rather high Thursday night. Sometimes you just know.

Well that's all for today, that's the rather boring journal of my week. Please leave a comment below about your favorite thing this week. My favorite was probably chatting with my friend Tony at work, he knew about my fever and migraine and kept making jokes and making me laugh, so bravo Tony.

I love you all and I hope to start consistently blogging again soon, but if I don't, check out my YouTube channel, because I have a couple pre-filmed videos that will be going up. Love you!

A Letter to My Miscarried Child

Dear Lil Pumpkin,

Today was your due date. Today was the day I was going to become a mother. I had been trying for a year to get pregnant with you, and near the end was getting getting very discouraged. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant with you. But then you left, and everything seemed to fall apart.

Everyday after that test came up positive, I prayed that you would be safe and healthy. Every. Single. Day. For me this was different, I had been struggling, I hadn't been praying, but for you it became important again.

Healthy and safe. That was all I wanted for you. Turns out, in order for that to happen you couldn't stay with me. I wanted you healthy and safe, and if being here wasn't what you needed to be healthy and safe, then I understand. And I'm happy that you found good health and safety by going back to your Father in Heaven... but that doesn't mean I don't miss you.

I miss you everyday, it aches. I miss you whenever I see a baby, or toddler, or even a teenager. I miss you whenever I see a pregnant lady. I miss you when I scroll through Facebook and constantly see pregnancy announcements, or pictures of children. I miss you in the mornings, in the afternoon, and during my countless sleepless nights. I miss you whenever I pray, and still pray for your health and safety. I miss you everyday.

I keep thinking that as time goes on it'll get better, that I'll stop feeling this pain. That I won't be so close to tears every second of every day. That going out and facing the world, facing families and parents won't kill me inside. That I won't have to force a smile, fake a laugh.

And maybe someday I will stop feeling the pain. But the thing is, I had you. I had you with me and now you're gone. I know it was for the best, I know that you're better off now, but what about me? Don't I get something? Don't I get to feel healthy and safe too?

I've been living in constant fear since you left. If I get pregnant again, will I lose that baby too? Would I be able to handle that pain a second time, when I'm hardly handling it now? I always wanted what was best for you, but when do I get what's best for me? When can I stop hurting? When can I stop being afraid? When can I start living again?

You took a part of me with you when you left. You will always have a piece of my heart. I will always love you. I loved caring for you and knowing you were here. I loved planning your future and preparing to hold you. And despite all the pain, that love has never died. I will always love you, and you will always be our "Lil Pumpkin".

I miss you, and I wish you were here. But I'm grateful to have had you, even if just a little while. I hope and pray that you always stay healthy and safe, and I hope you're praying for me too. Because it's been so hard getting to today without you here and knowing you aren't ever coming.

Happy due date, little one. I will always love you. 

Not A Mother

I haven't blogged in a while, and coming this Saturday I hope you understand why. Life is so unexpected as it constantly just takes us for a wild ride. We never know what's going to happen, what to expect, and how to react.

Things are difficult. Things always seem to be difficult for me, but this week especially. Because this was the week I was supposed to become a mother. My baby was due this Saturday. And I don't see how I could possibly just sit back and watch this week roll by without thinking of it.

I was supposed to become a mother, but I'm not, and I don't know when I will be. How long will it take till I know again? Weeks? Months? Years? And even if I do get pregnant again, will I lose that one too?

I'm so sick of unanswered questions. I'm so sick of life not feeling fair. I'm so sick of hurting and crying and not being happy. I'm so sick of being stuck surrounded by people who don't understand. I'm so sick of waiting to become a mother.

I'm not a mother and I want to be and none of this seems fair.

March Favorites

Maybelline Fit Me Foundation: http://amzn.to/1SK2r4l

Maybelline Volum’ Express The Falsies Push Up Drama: http://amzn.to/1M8x4Bk

Maybelline Master Fix Setting Spray: http://amzn.to/1M8x843

Aveeno Stress Relief Moisturizing Lotion: http://amzn.to/1SK3IbR

Equate Nighttime Soothing Makeup Removing Wipes: http://goo.gl/prtCPE

Thatcher Joe’s YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/ThatcherJoe

Lost Boy by Ruth B: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ybJf0y3Vps

Great Harvest: https://www.greatharvest.com/

Mainstays Writing Table: http://goo.gl/IKND9v

A big CONGRATULATIONS to Christine V. For being the winner of my Zak Detox Deodorant Giveaway!! Thank you to everyone who participated. Because of you I'm getting excited for my next giveaway!!