Songs About Me 2016

Hello friends. This is going to be a slightly depressing post, just giving you a heads up. Okay, great, enjoy!

For the past month, I'm just done with 2016. This has by far been the worst year of my life and I just want it to end. Yes, my miscarriage happened in 2015, and that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me, but the aftermath of that miscarriage took over the majority of 2016. I am so over 2016. Just be done already!!

Anyways....

A few weeks ago I made a giant list of all my goals and resolutions for 2017 because I'm ready for a new year and a fresh start. (Oh my gosh, just be 2017 already!!!!) I will most likely share all those goals when 2017 gets closer and I've weeded through them and have the specific New Years Resolutions to share (I currently have two pages of goals so they can't all be New Year's Resolutions).

But to finish up this year (because I'm so willing to skip to the end, yes, that includes skipping over Christmas, just let 2016 end, please, please please, I am begging) I made a playlist of 10 songs that describe my 2016!

I want this to be an annual thing. For me to make playlists of songs that have influenced and/or describe the way my year went. Therefore, since I'm quoting this as the worst year of my life, you can bet they are not all happy songs for this year.

I have reasons for each song so I want to go over why each one was chosen. These were all chosen very carefully and I want to share my reasoning with you. So just press play on the Spotify playlist below, enjoy some amazing songs and read about each one.

I'll go in order of the playlist, even though it's a weird, not very thought out order. Okay? Great.

Unsteady - X Ambassadors

I'm a huge fan of this song. My mom thinks it's too repetitive, my husband doesn't like his voice, but I'm obsessed. I could not have made it through this year with the amazing people (and pet) I have in my life. But besides Zoram, my biggest rock through this year was Chris. I was "unsteady" in so many ways this year, but Chris helped me stand up tall and make it through. I needed him and I love his support more than he may ever understand. I love my soulmate.

Sit Still, Look Pretty - Daya

This song isn't depressing! Lately, girl-power type songs are my favorite. I have a ton on my phone that I just listen to randomly when I need to be uplifted and find a little confidence. While this is definitely a newer addition to my girl-power list, there's just a few of the lyrics that always stick out to me when I hear this song on the radio.

"Oh, I don't know what you've been told but this gal right here's gonna rule the world"

 I don't want to be what people want me to be. I have goals for myself and I'm going to make them happen. I am going to be a book author. Heroes & Villains is going to prove that I'm a writer and I truly believe that it can be big (considering it will never end). I will find the success and happiness I want without working in a job people want or expect me to. I believe that I can rule my own world and I'm not going to let someone tell me how to do it.

Stressed Out - Twenty-One Pilots

Oh goodness, the words in this song speak to me.

"Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing in our face saying 'Wake up you need to make money.'"

I'm probably contradicting myself, but while I want to be a writer, this year was so overwhelming feeling like I couldn't do it because I needed to work a real job. Being a grown up sucks. And being a child and not having to deal with all the stress just sounds so appealing, but impossible to attain again. I was constantly stressed this year. This song was my life this year... stressed out.

The Weight Of Living II - Bastille

Oh, Bastille. How I love you so very, very, truly, totally, absolutely, wholly, and completely. I have been obsessing over this album this year and listen to it constantly. I love every track on the album and have learned almost all the words. But lately the words to this song have stuck out to me a lot:

"Do you like the person you've become?"

 Short and sweet, this question has echoed in my mind for a while now. I have asked myself this question quite a bit lately and when I begin to think my answer is "no" I think of ways to change myself and change my answer. I'm greatly considering making this my theme song of 2017, so I might get back to this at a later date...

All Will Be Well - Gabe Dixon

(Every time I listen to this song I ask Chris "Bonus points if you can name what show this is on!" He always forgets. But they answer is Parks & Recreation when Andy and April are driving to the Grand Canyon. Now you know and can get bonus points.)

I think about the title of this song a lot. "All will be well." The lyrics to this song are absolutely incredible because it's not saying that life if perfect and everything will always be amazing all the time. It's saying that times can be hard, people make mistakes, you have to work to find what you want in life, and you don't know how you'll get there, but you have to just believe that over time things will turn out for the best.

I have an obsession with this song and could probably pull out my English major skills and write a whole essay on it. I think anyone who is like me and suffers from depression should listen to this song and really think through the words. All will be well.

Don't Panic - Coldplay

Similar to "All will be well" the phrase "We live in a beautiful world" has crossed my mind a lot throughout this year. Despite how much I just raved about Bastille, Coldplay is, in all reality, my favorite band. They have music and lyrics that speak to me in a way no other artist has been able to do.

This song is short and sweet and every time I'm outside, looking at the world I live in, I think the worlds "We live in a beautiful world." It's comforting to me in a way that I'm not sure I can explain. Perhaps it's that despite all the horribleness of this year, I've seen some pretty amazing and beautiful things and it's humbling to be surrounded by such beauty.

Tomorrow Never Comes - Zac Brown Band

Hey, it's my theme song for the year! That's right, I never forgot about it through the year. I still think about and listen to this song a lot. Its message is very strong and clear. We don't know what's going to come, so we have to live now. I'm not going to go into much more depth on this. You can read why I picked it as my theme song by CLICKING HERE.

Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse

This was my theme song for 2015! Can we talk about how incredible Muse is? And how I never noticed just how incredible until this year? I am loving Muse so much. Okay, great discussion, thanks.

You can read why I picked it as my 2015 theme song by CLICKING HERE, but I do have a few things to say as well.

First of all, the title. No two words describe my year better. Butterflies, like butterflies in my stomach. Nervousness, anxiousness, and a jittery uneasiness has plagued this entire year. And hurricanes, a destructive force in a wave crashing over my life. I'm a little dramatic sometimes. It comes with being a writer (and it being the middle of the night and not having gotten a good night's sleep in over a week).

So yes, the title alone describe my year wonderfully, but we cannot ever forget the words to this song. It's so empowering to me. If I ever need a pick me up, I listen to this song.

 "You've got to change the world and use this chance to be heard." 

Ah! Love those words so very much. I have done my best to use my depression, anxiety, and miscarriage to help others. Recently I was able to speak with someone who helped me realize that the things I say on here really do help some people. While these are the things that are hardest to talk about, they need to be heard. We can't pretend they don't exist. And it's my chance to be heard, and change the world.

Warrior - Demi Lovato

I have talked about this song a lot on this blog. Too many times to know where to look for links. This is the song that got me through this year. This is the song that gets me through my depression. This is the song that gives me strength to keep going when I feel like giving up.

After my miscarriage, and even sometimes before, I wrote the word "Warrior" on my wrist so I could look down at it and feel stronger. It sat above my scars and kept me from cutting or injuring myself again. It helped protect me when I felt my weakest. This song, this word, has helped save me countless times.

For my 26th birthday this year I got the word officially tattooed on my wrist. I want to write up a full post on it because there is some controversy in my decision, given my religious beliefs, but just know, that this was not impulsive, it was fully thought through, and I believe it was one of the best decisions I've made for myself in a long time.

We All Need Saving - Jon McLaughlin

Ah, my love, Jon McLaughlin. Random tangent, I saw him in concert last Friday and it was just him and his piano and no band and... oh my gosh... I love him so much. I'm sorry Chris. It's a different sort of love, I promise. You're still my soulmate and one true love, Chris.

I think that this song is incredibly important and has been for many years. Because living with depression feels like you're alone. Going through my miscarriage, I was certain no one understood what I was going through and what I was feeling. That's not true, though.

"I don't know why it has to be this way and I don't know the cure, but please believe that someone else has felt this before."

 This sentence has meant different things to me at different times. While my religious beliefs have waivered a lot this year, I have never once doubted in the reality and healing power of The Atonement. We are never alone and we are not the only ones who have felt the way we do. "We all need saving" and we can't be afraid to ask for help when we need it.

No matter what you're feeling, you are not alone and you can ask for help from a friend, family member, God, and always me. Because I believe no one should hide their pain, and when you're hurting, you have to find the courage to ask for help.

____________________________________________________________

Well, that was nice, it ended up a lot less depressing than I thought it would be. We also got a lot of different genres, so that was fun. 

Thanks for bearing with me through this post and the random and completely unedited photos. I promise I will post more about my tattoo soon because I have a lot to say about it. 

Let me know in the comments below what songs describe your year! And please tell me I'm not the only one anxiously waiting for this year to end... Thanks, love you, bye.

This weirdness of this post was brought to you by exhaustion. Get some sleep and don't let it happen to you!

April Is Over!!

Hello friends! Are you as happy as I am that April is over? It's been a weird and difficult month for me. I can only hope yours went smoother. But I'm excited for May. I love this month, my anniversary is this month, I'm starting a work weight loss challenge this month and hopefully can get happy about my body again, and have some other exciting events to go to. It'll be good.

Anyways, let's get into a rather brief review of the month of April, in no particular order.

April had some really great events, between seeing my favorite singer Jon McLaughlin and having him Tweet me saying this blog is nice... well that was basically the highlight of my year. You can read all about my concert experience HERE.

Chris and I also had the amazing opportunity to see Kyle Beckerman, captain and midfielder of the Real Salt Lake team, when he came to speak at USU. He talked a lot about how he was able to reach his goals and his dream of playing in the World Cup. I was inspired by a few of the things he said and have tried to add his wisdom into my own life.

I've gotten really into podcasts this month and have been inspired by those as well. I listen to funny podcasts, podcasts about writing, podcasts for bloggers, podcasts for YouTube, and podcasts about being happy. I have a rather brain-dead job and I can sit at work all day and listen to podcasts while still getting all my work done. It's been a rather exciting experience and I hope the lessons and inspiration I've received from listening to these podcasts will carry over to this blog.

I've also gone into major writing and planning mode. This September I will be releasing a series of short stories onto this blog, and I want them to be good. I still have a lot of writing and editing to do, but everything seems to be on track for the release date of September 17th. I really want to hype this up and get more followers to my blog beforehand so when it comes out there will be a larger response. Me releasing my stories is a big deal. I normally don't let anyone read my writing, so I'm hoping this all goes well.

*On that note, I am in need of illustrators who would be fine working for free. Any art style is welcome and you'll have a lot of personal input on how it's done. I also want a few readers to read my first drafts and fill out a form with their input. If you are interested in either of these things email me at thedancingcowblogger@gmail.com.*

Continuing on, my April started with me being sick for a week. It was a terrible week and it was the same week my baby was due. I honestly didn't even think about my baby on the due date because I was so sick. But I want to thank everyone for the response to "A Letter to My Miscarried Child".  That post was written about a month before the due date during a particularly bad moment. I have not been able to go back and read that post again since I wrote it. I have loved hearing your responses to that letter though. A lot of my pain stems from feeling so alone, like no one understands, but so many of you have addressed me personally with your own stories and it's been incredible to listen to your stories and to help give me hope for the future. So thank you, I love each and every one of my readers, and I am always looking out for you.

I believe that's it for my April review, not too much went on, and it wasn't too exciting, but I'm excited for May and everything it brings. I love you all!!

Jon McLaughlin Concert

*My blog is transitioning to a scrapbook of my life. That's what this post is.

So let's get you in the mood first:

Sister love!

Jerad Finck

JON MCLAUGHLIN!!! Oh my gosh he's so perfect!!! 

My actual view of Parachute

Zoomed in Parachute

Wednesday April 13th I drove down to SLC with my aunt and cousin to meet up with my mom, her BFF, and my sister for a girl's night! For this wonderful, magical night, we saw my absolute favorite singer of ALL TIME. Oh, and Parachute.

So first off was Jerad Finck (you have no idea how difficult it was to find the correct spelling of his name. He was on his own, no band. Just him and his guitar, and I thought he did amazing. You can hear his stuff on Spotify HERE. We felt bad because after at the tables no one was approaching him. But I got my picture with him. I thought he had awesome hair.

Then my love Jon McLaughlin came out... and I was basically dying. I'm pretty sure this was my fourth time seeing him in concert and every time he's incredible. He sounds as good, if not better, than the album version and watching him play the piano is just mesmerizing. He also played guitar for a song. He's such a perfect human being.

After his set ended... I was a little sad. It was a Parachute concert and I do like their songs, but I honestly just came for Jon and it wasn't long enough for me, though he did play my favorite off his new album, Let Go, it's amazing. It's in the video below.

So the venue was one where there are no seats and you're just standing the whole time. So my mom wanted out of the crowd and pushed her way through (seriously those people would not move). She was only gone a little while before texting my aunt and saying she was talking to Jon. So obviously I took off through the crowd and got to approach him at his table.

I don't think I've ever been so awkward in my life, but I honestly just love him so much. I got my picture with him, he signed a poster for me, and as I purchased one of his t-shirts he told me it was his favorite one of his. Basically, I died last night.

By the time Parachute went on I was stuck in the back and was not going to try to push my way back through, which is why my pictures of them are not so good. But they were amazing. I really do think they are extremely talented and deserve much more fame and recognition (although double that sentiment for Jon). You can check out Parachute's Spotify page HERE.

Overall it was a magical night. I love Jon McLaughlin. His song "Four Years" got me though high school and his music always inspires my writing and my attitude. I hear any of his songs and I smile. He's brilliantly talented and so handsome. But he (according to Facebook) is the absolute sweetest husband to his lovely wife and he has the cutest daughter like... ever. So I know I keep talking about how much I love him, but we're both happily married, there's nothing actually romantic about it. I just love him though. Chris understands... I hope.

"Let Go" - My favorite song off his new album. Sorry for the narrow, phone video. I'm working on getting a vlogging camera for various reasons, but this is one of them. 

Parachute! There's a weird cut in this video, I had paused the recording. 

Song of the Week: Human

I'm sorry she's naked... Christina Perri is one of my most favorite singers in the whole world! I think she is absolutely incredible at singing and songwriting and she is just an incredible person. I am so excited for her new album especially after listening to this song! I'm so in love with this song and reminds me of another song by my other favorite singer in the world (honestly Christina Perri and Jon McLaughlin are my most favorite ever and how convenient they both have a song called Human). I hope you all love this song as much as I do, and I really hope I didn't offend anyone with a naked woman on my blog... Sorry.

Song of the Week: We All Need Saving

Jon McLaughlin is my most favorite singer in the whole wide world!! He is a fantastic pianist and singer and he writes the most amazing songs! This song has helped me through some really hard times and when I'm going through stress, like this past week, I know I can count on this song to get me through.

Falling Over Me

Umm... so.... anyone who knows me personally, knows that I'm obsessed with Jon McLaughlin. Seriously. He is so attractive and so musically talented it just fills my heart with joy. I heart freaks out when I hear piano music, and that's his specialty. I love him. If you don't know him, please listen to him now:

So anyways, last week I was at Walmart and found Demi Lovato's album Here We Go Again on sale for $7.00. And anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm obsessed with Demi Lovato as well. If you haven't read it already, here is my list of why I love Demi Lovato: http://whenthe-cows-comehome.blogspot.com/2012/08/why-i-love-demi-lovato.html.

So... turns out these two people, quite possible my two top favorite singers WROTE A SONG TOGETHER???

So I've heard this song before. Of the 1,684,232 views on that Youtube video... maybe 232 are just from me. Yet somehow I didn't realize the background vocals were Jon McLaughlin. I'm very ashamed at this fact. When I saw Enchanted for the first time, I knew the second he started singing that So Close was sung by Jon McLaughlin. But apparently I can't tell when he's just singing background... but I'm still very upset with myself.

So enjoy the video above of my two favorite singers. And enjoy this pictures of them as well.

--Kaylee