My 2018 New Year's Resolutions

Hello friends! It's a new year and I always get so excited, hyping up the new year and hoping it'll be better than the last. The past few years have been hard, but 2017 overall was good. I got pregnant after three years of trying and a miscarriage, and I was so blessed to have my beautiful twins, who I'm just obsessed with. Yes, I spent most the year pregnant and miserable, and the medical bills have been an adventure, but 2017 was the best year I've had in a while. So good job 2017!

Last year I made tons of goals/resolutions for the year (which I'll talk about a little later on in this post). My whole reasoning was that with tons of goals, I would at least accomplish some of them. I didn't care about getting everything done on my list... I think part of me knew I would get pregnant and most my life plans/goals would change.

This year, I'm doing the complete opposite. Because I only have one goal. So if I don't accomplish it then it'll be really sad. Now, even though it's technically one goal, it has a few parts to it, so let's go over my goal for 2018.

TO WRITE

That's it. Very simple, straightforward, not complicated at all. But honestly, it will (hopefully) be the most impactful goal of my entire life.

I have said on this blog so many times that I want to be a book author. But have you seen any books of mine yet? Nope. Because I don't write enough. I was ten when I first knew I wanted to write. TEN! I'm now twenty-seven. That's seventeen years of wasted time! Honestly, I'm sick of being upset with myself, so we're doing this!!

As I said there are a few parts to it, so let's go over that.

First is possibly the obvious one, to write my books and finish a book. I have way too many story ideas written down and I just need to finish one. And yes, I would love to get published as soon as possible, but that's not going to be my goal until I complete a book.

The second is working on Heroes & Villains as well as a few other short story ideas I'm workshopping (which is the beginning of a whole other blog I'm thinking of, but that's another story for another day). I love Heroes & Villains but I don't work on it enough because I just want my readers to be caught up to where I am. I'm skipping ahead to the end, but forgetting to work on the foundation first. I've already been working on this quite a bit and you can expect the next collection of stories to start arriving very soon.

Lastly is writing on this blog. Every year I say I'm going to write more but then I never do. But I'm really thinking this will be my year. Why? Because I'm a stay-at-home mom who now has so much more time to work on blogging! I also have a friend who's going to help out with taking photos and that maybe someday I can convince to be my assistant because she's ridiculously organized and amazing at life. She's also my BFFL so working with her is like the ultimate dream job.

So, yeah, my goal this year is to write and that's it. But I'm really happy about it. I've never loved a goal more in my life nor have I ever been more motivated to reach a goal (except maybe last year with my whole pregnancy goal).

Here's just a recap of all my goals from last year and a look at what I was able to accomplish:

MY 2018 GOALS & RESOLUTIONS
	HEALTH		SPIRITUAL		BLOGGING
Yes	-Eat healthier	Yes	-Pray daily	No	-Find my style
Yes	-Get to sleep/rise early	No	-Read the Book of Mormon	No	-Work on the Chris & Kaylee Show
No	-Workout 4x per week	No	-Visit the temple monthly	Yes	-Find my voice
No	-Run a 5k	Maybe	-Become more Christlike	Yes	-Be myself
No	-Lose fat, gain muscle	No	-Give service daily	No	-Become a #BossBabe
Yes	-Dance	No	-Have family home evening	No	-Blog at least 2x per week
	HOME LIFE		FINANCIAL	No	-Get 2 blog sponsors
No	-Cook more	No	-Pay all bills on time	Yes	-Learn how to make money blogging
Yes	-Move into an apartment	No	-Save up money for a trip	Ish	-Start vlogging
No	-Clean home daily	No	-Become financially stable	No	-Take video editing course
No	-Craft more		FUN	No	-Be more active on social media
No	-Sew four projects	No	-Find 1 new city event a month	Yes	-Work on photography skills
No	-Grow a plant	No	-Explore everywhere		WRITING
	PERSONAL	No	-Visit museums	No	-Weekly writing prompts
Yes	-Think positively	No	-Sing more	Yes	-Find my voice
Yes	-Be a warrior	Yes	-Dance more	No	-Learn more
Yes	-Be a better wife	No	-Plan a trip	No	-Go to a writing conference
Yes	-Love more			No	-Take a writing course
Yes	-Work with passion			No	-Publish a short story on Amazon
Yes	-Find my voice			Yes	-Write 30 minutes a day
No	-Tell my story			No	-Read more
Yes	-Be myself
Yes	-Become pregnant/learn what my body needs to have a baby

So yeah... didn't do great. But as I mentioned, getting pregnant changed a lot of things. Especially when I found out it was twins. Small tangent here, I had every intention to keep working after having my baby until I learned it was twins. Because affording any sort of childcare for twins would be impossible. Though affording to live on one income is difficult as well, but we are picking our battles here.

Of course, just because I didn't reach those goals last year doesn't mean I'm completely giving up on them. Some of them are lifelong goals so I'll be continuing on with them in mind.

Last note, I always pick a theme song for the year and this year was just super difficult because there are so many that I thought of. So I made a whole playlist of them which you can listen to below. Basically, this year is about getting work done (which is ironic since I'm technically unemployed) and these are all songs that motivate me. But I did end up choosing one main one and you can read about it HERE.

Well, I think that's it for this post. Let me know your goals for the new year in the comment section below! Thanks, you're a hero! 

2018 Theme Song

Hello my lovely friends! I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season and are as excited for the New Year as I am.

Today I am supposed to talk about my theme song for 2018. As you may know, every year I pick out a theme song for the year. I've been doing this since I graduated high school and it's something that means a lot to me because music is such an important and special influence in my life.

Usually, I have thought about my song choice extensively for months and have the song picked out by November (because the past few years everytime November hits I'm ready for the New Year). This year was the hardest to pick out a song. In fact, I'm not even 100% behind my song choice. I blame the past few months of learning to be a mom and to be unemployed. My life is SO different than it's ever been and I think it's hard to adjust to that. My usual habits and tendencies are hard to go back to considering I'm suddenly a stay-at-home mom of two.

While I did end up choosing a specific song for 2018, I made an entire playlist of songs to help motivate me through the year. I'll go over it below and my reasoning behind them.

Overall, I wanted a song that would motivate me to do something outside my normal comfort zone. If you aren't a regular blog reader of mine, I have depression and social anxiety and can be an all over emotional wreck a lot of the time. I tend to stay in my private little box, too afraid to take risks and go after my dreams for fear of failing. This year I want to get outside that box and change my life.

A few weeks ago I finally was inspired by a song that came on over my Spotify. As I mentioned, I'm not completely obsessed with my theme song as I usually am, but that's why I have a whole playlist.

Anyways, my theme song for 2018 is "I Lived" by One Republic. 

There are so many lyrics in this song that just speak to me, so it's difficult to go over which ones I want for 2018 without quoting the whole song. But I think more than anything, I love the actual title of the song. I LIVED.

When I was seventeen years old I was suicidal and made a few attempts at ending my life. I had no idea as a teenager that my life would end up like this: married to my soulmate with a cute dog and the most adorable baby girls. I don't believe seventeen-year-olds make the smartest decision, but by far the greatest decision of my entire life was to not end it.

I survived my teenage years. I survived college and the struggles I went through there. I survived cutting myself, sexual assault, and a miscarriage and have ended up today in the best place I think my life has ever been in. I survived so much pain and I hope to continue to fight through every struggle that is thrown at me.

However, no matter how grateful I am for my life so far, I feel as if I've merely been surviving each day. I want to live each day. I want to wake up every morning with an excitement for each day and the possibilities it could bring. I want to end this year quoting the song: "I owned every second that this world could give."

I want to plan adventures for not just myself, but for my husband and my daughters. I want us to make memories to last a lifetime. But I think more than anything, I want to build an excitement for life in my daughters that I never had. I know they're young, they won't remember this year, but I want to get into the habit of giving my children opportunities and excitement.

2018 is about living life to the fullest and I'm excited for this year and creating the best year ever.

Now real fast I'm going to go over my playlist. I subtitled this as my "Power Playlist" because it's all songs that motivate me to get up and do something. These are great workout song, hype songs, and dancing song. This playlist is great for so many things and I am already so obsessed with listening to it all the time. I'm sure I'll continue to add new songs throughout the year because this is my "Power Playlist" and if I find a new song that empowers me, it belongs.

Quick note, the first part is all females because originally that's what I wanted: female empowerment. But honestly, no power playlist is complete without "Butterflies and Hurricanes" by Muse, so I broke the original rules, but I'm so happy with this playlist I wouldn't have it any other way.

Do you pick out a theme song for the year? Let me know yours in the comments below!! 

Stocking Stuffers For The People In My Life

Ironically, the year I'm living in an apartment with a fireplace, I don't have stockings. I had plans to make some but don't have the money yet. But I don't mind too much since my girls aren't aware enough to notice or care. And they're still getting gifts so it doesn't matter.

Below I've made short lists of stocking gift ideas for all different types of people that I see commonly in my own life. Because they are stocking stuffers, I tried to stick with as cheap as possible. Also, can I get a shout out for writing most of this post on my phone because my laptop wasn't working? It's so hard to do this on a phone!

FOR WRITERS

Let's start with a category I'm most familiar with because I'm a part of it. I highly recommend 642 Tiny Things To Write About and Q&A a Day. I have both of these and while I don't use them as much as I should, they are both great for helping boost creativity. Notebooks and pens and pencils are always great items as well.

PET LOVERS

While you can always give them dog or cat toys directly, most things with an animal, or specifically their animal is appreciated. For example, I have a sheltie so dogs like Lassie appeal to me more. People also tend to give me cow or cow print items because they know I'll appreciate it. Keychains, notebooks, stuffed animals, and mugs are great go-to items.

STAY AT HOME MOMS

I'm now (mostly) a stay at home mom. It was a weird and hard transition for me, but totally worth it. For someone taking care of kids all day, great gift items include slippers or comfy sucks, books, music, baby toys to entertain the little ones, and... I'm often told wine, I personally don't drink so I don't know what wine drinkers enjoy, but if you know the recipient is a fan then go for it!

MUSIC LOVERS

Ah music. I'm obsessed. As a music lover, I'm always a fan of CDs, iTunes giftcards, and headphones.

MAKEUP ARTISTS

I always appreciate new makeup tools and products to play around with. There are literally too many options out there and most makeup items can fit within a small budget. Just visit Ulta or your local drugstore to get good prices on fun items.

BEARDED MEN

I love having a husband with a beard. Beards are sexy. Beards also take a lot of upkeep. Similar to makeup, there are a lot of options out there, you just have to go look.

NERDS & GEEKS

Being a nerd or geek is the best. I think everyone has something that they're a nerd about. For me, it's Arrow and Sherlock. For Chris, it's Star Wars. For my sister, it's Harry Potter. Though I'm positive all of us have a lot more nerdy-loves as well. One of my favorite Christmas gift ideas is to find that person's nerdy side and just go with it!

COOKS

Bakers and cooks are fairly easy, because buying simple cooking tools can be really cheap (you can get like anything from the Dollar Store). Because it's so easy, it's fun to make it cute. Like giving ingredients for a cookie recipe in a mason jar, or wrapping wooden spoons in pot holders. There are tons of cute ideas on Pinterest for this one. 

FITNESS JUNKIES

This one can get more expensive, but it doesn't always have to. Headphones, water bottles, sweat towels, and other small items to help out a gym goer are always appreciated. 

These are the most common people in my own life, but hopefully, this gives you an idea for other types of people as well. Buying stocking stuffers doesn't have to be expensive, in fact, I typically go to the Dollar Store for most things, it's all about being creative, finding a person's niche, and having fun with it. Overall, people will love you just for the effort you make to get them a gift. 

What category do you fall into or which one did I miss that relates most to you? Let me know down below!! Thanks, you're a hero! 

Theme Song 2017

Hello my friends! I've gotten quite a few new followers over the last year, so to all my new internet friends... hello! My name is Kaylee Farnes, and every year I pick a "theme song" to help guide me through the year. I started doing it back when I first started college and it's been the one thing that stuck... because resolutions always fail.

For 2016 my theme song was "Tomorrow Never Comes" by the Zac Brown Band. I'd say it was a fairly influential theme song for me. I took a risk and started my writing career with Heroes & Villains. I have talked about becoming a writer the majority of my life, but I finally did something about it this year, and I'm really happy about it.

I like to think the song worked in helping me begin my writing career. SUCCESS!!

This year's song is incredibly different and perhaps controversial because at first glance it should not be an inspiring song, however, over the past few months a single phrase from this song keeps running through my head over and over again.

I wanted this as my theme song but I kept talking myself out of it because it's not a positive song... not necessarily. But the other day I found this amazing quote that totally fits with the song and it secured the song as my theme song for 2017!

"For what it's worth, it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over." 

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Beautiful quote by a wonderful author. 

My theme song of the year is "The Weight of Living II" by Bastille. I'm in love with this song. It was featured in my playlist of songs that describe who I am in 2016 and the lyrics honestly describe and speak to me in such an important way. 

"Do you like the person you've become?"

I have spent the majority of 2016 in a deep depression. At the end of 2015, I lost my child and I have been unable to get pregnant this year. I've spent the entire year holding back in doing the things I wanted because I never knew if I was pregnant, and once a month I would cry for basically an entire day when I learned I wasn't. Beyond that, my sister-in-law lost her child Jamison and the Farnes family has been struggling. 2016 was without a doubt the worst year of my life (and in 2008 I was suicidal so that's really saying something) and I am so insanely happy that it's over.

Now I realize that just because it's a new year doesn't mean that things will magically get better. But there comes a point where you lose all hope in a year. I lost all hope for 2016, but not for 2017. I can find excitement in 2017, where for the past few months there was no excitement to be found.

The potential doesn't come from a new year coming, it comes from me. If I put in the work, I can make 2017 a good year.

Let's go back to the song. For a long time I could not get the phrase "Do you like the person you've become?" out of my head. It haunted me. Because for the majority of 2016, my answer would be no. But if you combine the quote and the song, it describes my feelings for 2017.

"Do you like the person you've become?"

 "I hope you find the strength to start over."

Despite the dislike for myself this year, I have never given up on myself. I still believe I have potential. If I want to be a writer, I can be. I've already started on that journey. If I want to be a fashion blogger, I can be. Just because I never have money doesn't mean I can't find creative ways to do it. If I want to make YouTube videos, I can do it. Even if they don't start out very good, the more practice I get, the better they'll become.

A lot of the lyrics of this song speak to me. I could talk for a long time about the lyrics (it comes with spending the majority of my college career writing essays analyzing writing) but the only line that matters is the one I've said before.

Every time I think of that phrase, I answer the question, and if my answer is no, then it's time to make a difference.

"It's never too late to be whoever you want to be."

💗

______________________________

Do you pick out a theme song for each year? Let me know your song or your goals for 2017 in the comments below! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

Songs About Me 2016

Hello friends. This is going to be a slightly depressing post, just giving you a heads up. Okay, great, enjoy!

For the past month, I'm just done with 2016. This has by far been the worst year of my life and I just want it to end. Yes, my miscarriage happened in 2015, and that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me, but the aftermath of that miscarriage took over the majority of 2016. I am so over 2016. Just be done already!!

Anyways....

A few weeks ago I made a giant list of all my goals and resolutions for 2017 because I'm ready for a new year and a fresh start. (Oh my gosh, just be 2017 already!!!!) I will most likely share all those goals when 2017 gets closer and I've weeded through them and have the specific New Years Resolutions to share (I currently have two pages of goals so they can't all be New Year's Resolutions).

But to finish up this year (because I'm so willing to skip to the end, yes, that includes skipping over Christmas, just let 2016 end, please, please please, I am begging) I made a playlist of 10 songs that describe my 2016!

I want this to be an annual thing. For me to make playlists of songs that have influenced and/or describe the way my year went. Therefore, since I'm quoting this as the worst year of my life, you can bet they are not all happy songs for this year.

I have reasons for each song so I want to go over why each one was chosen. These were all chosen very carefully and I want to share my reasoning with you. So just press play on the Spotify playlist below, enjoy some amazing songs and read about each one.

I'll go in order of the playlist, even though it's a weird, not very thought out order. Okay? Great.

Unsteady - X Ambassadors

I'm a huge fan of this song. My mom thinks it's too repetitive, my husband doesn't like his voice, but I'm obsessed. I could not have made it through this year with the amazing people (and pet) I have in my life. But besides Zoram, my biggest rock through this year was Chris. I was "unsteady" in so many ways this year, but Chris helped me stand up tall and make it through. I needed him and I love his support more than he may ever understand. I love my soulmate.

Sit Still, Look Pretty - Daya

This song isn't depressing! Lately, girl-power type songs are my favorite. I have a ton on my phone that I just listen to randomly when I need to be uplifted and find a little confidence. While this is definitely a newer addition to my girl-power list, there's just a few of the lyrics that always stick out to me when I hear this song on the radio.

"Oh, I don't know what you've been told but this gal right here's gonna rule the world"

 I don't want to be what people want me to be. I have goals for myself and I'm going to make them happen. I am going to be a book author. Heroes & Villains is going to prove that I'm a writer and I truly believe that it can be big (considering it will never end). I will find the success and happiness I want without working in a job people want or expect me to. I believe that I can rule my own world and I'm not going to let someone tell me how to do it.

Stressed Out - Twenty-One Pilots

Oh goodness, the words in this song speak to me.

"Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing in our face saying 'Wake up you need to make money.'"

I'm probably contradicting myself, but while I want to be a writer, this year was so overwhelming feeling like I couldn't do it because I needed to work a real job. Being a grown up sucks. And being a child and not having to deal with all the stress just sounds so appealing, but impossible to attain again. I was constantly stressed this year. This song was my life this year... stressed out.

The Weight Of Living II - Bastille

Oh, Bastille. How I love you so very, very, truly, totally, absolutely, wholly, and completely. I have been obsessing over this album this year and listen to it constantly. I love every track on the album and have learned almost all the words. But lately the words to this song have stuck out to me a lot:

"Do you like the person you've become?"

 Short and sweet, this question has echoed in my mind for a while now. I have asked myself this question quite a bit lately and when I begin to think my answer is "no" I think of ways to change myself and change my answer. I'm greatly considering making this my theme song of 2017, so I might get back to this at a later date...

All Will Be Well - Gabe Dixon

(Every time I listen to this song I ask Chris "Bonus points if you can name what show this is on!" He always forgets. But they answer is Parks & Recreation when Andy and April are driving to the Grand Canyon. Now you know and can get bonus points.)

I think about the title of this song a lot. "All will be well." The lyrics to this song are absolutely incredible because it's not saying that life if perfect and everything will always be amazing all the time. It's saying that times can be hard, people make mistakes, you have to work to find what you want in life, and you don't know how you'll get there, but you have to just believe that over time things will turn out for the best.

I have an obsession with this song and could probably pull out my English major skills and write a whole essay on it. I think anyone who is like me and suffers from depression should listen to this song and really think through the words. All will be well.

Don't Panic - Coldplay

Similar to "All will be well" the phrase "We live in a beautiful world" has crossed my mind a lot throughout this year. Despite how much I just raved about Bastille, Coldplay is, in all reality, my favorite band. They have music and lyrics that speak to me in a way no other artist has been able to do.

This song is short and sweet and every time I'm outside, looking at the world I live in, I think the worlds "We live in a beautiful world." It's comforting to me in a way that I'm not sure I can explain. Perhaps it's that despite all the horribleness of this year, I've seen some pretty amazing and beautiful things and it's humbling to be surrounded by such beauty.

Tomorrow Never Comes - Zac Brown Band

Hey, it's my theme song for the year! That's right, I never forgot about it through the year. I still think about and listen to this song a lot. Its message is very strong and clear. We don't know what's going to come, so we have to live now. I'm not going to go into much more depth on this. You can read why I picked it as my theme song by CLICKING HERE.

Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse

This was my theme song for 2015! Can we talk about how incredible Muse is? And how I never noticed just how incredible until this year? I am loving Muse so much. Okay, great discussion, thanks.

You can read why I picked it as my 2015 theme song by CLICKING HERE, but I do have a few things to say as well.

First of all, the title. No two words describe my year better. Butterflies, like butterflies in my stomach. Nervousness, anxiousness, and a jittery uneasiness has plagued this entire year. And hurricanes, a destructive force in a wave crashing over my life. I'm a little dramatic sometimes. It comes with being a writer (and it being the middle of the night and not having gotten a good night's sleep in over a week).

So yes, the title alone describe my year wonderfully, but we cannot ever forget the words to this song. It's so empowering to me. If I ever need a pick me up, I listen to this song.

 "You've got to change the world and use this chance to be heard." 

Ah! Love those words so very much. I have done my best to use my depression, anxiety, and miscarriage to help others. Recently I was able to speak with someone who helped me realize that the things I say on here really do help some people. While these are the things that are hardest to talk about, they need to be heard. We can't pretend they don't exist. And it's my chance to be heard, and change the world.

Warrior - Demi Lovato

I have talked about this song a lot on this blog. Too many times to know where to look for links. This is the song that got me through this year. This is the song that gets me through my depression. This is the song that gives me strength to keep going when I feel like giving up.

After my miscarriage, and even sometimes before, I wrote the word "Warrior" on my wrist so I could look down at it and feel stronger. It sat above my scars and kept me from cutting or injuring myself again. It helped protect me when I felt my weakest. This song, this word, has helped save me countless times.

For my 26th birthday this year I got the word officially tattooed on my wrist. I want to write up a full post on it because there is some controversy in my decision, given my religious beliefs, but just know, that this was not impulsive, it was fully thought through, and I believe it was one of the best decisions I've made for myself in a long time.

We All Need Saving - Jon McLaughlin

Ah, my love, Jon McLaughlin. Random tangent, I saw him in concert last Friday and it was just him and his piano and no band and... oh my gosh... I love him so much. I'm sorry Chris. It's a different sort of love, I promise. You're still my soulmate and one true love, Chris.

I think that this song is incredibly important and has been for many years. Because living with depression feels like you're alone. Going through my miscarriage, I was certain no one understood what I was going through and what I was feeling. That's not true, though.

"I don't know why it has to be this way and I don't know the cure, but please believe that someone else has felt this before."

 This sentence has meant different things to me at different times. While my religious beliefs have waivered a lot this year, I have never once doubted in the reality and healing power of The Atonement. We are never alone and we are not the only ones who have felt the way we do. "We all need saving" and we can't be afraid to ask for help when we need it.

No matter what you're feeling, you are not alone and you can ask for help from a friend, family member, God, and always me. Because I believe no one should hide their pain, and when you're hurting, you have to find the courage to ask for help.

____________________________________________________________

Well, that was nice, it ended up a lot less depressing than I thought it would be. We also got a lot of different genres, so that was fun. 

Thanks for bearing with me through this post and the random and completely unedited photos. I promise I will post more about my tattoo soon because I have a lot to say about it. 

Let me know in the comments below what songs describe your year! And please tell me I'm not the only one anxiously waiting for this year to end... Thanks, love you, bye.

This weirdness of this post was brought to you by exhaustion. Get some sleep and don't let it happen to you!

I Need My Mom

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! I hope your day is bright and wonderful, whether or not you're a mother.

This is a weird day for me. It's difficult to be sitting here on a day all about mothers and not think about how I was supposed to be one too at this point. And it's even harder not know when I will become a mother. Will I be one next Mother's Day? I'm sick of waiting and wondering!

Anyways, I'm not here to talk about my personal issues today (okay maybe a little). I'm here to talk about my mom.

I'm currently in the worst period of my life. Sad, but true. But you know what makes it better? Besides Chris, the one person able to help me through all of this is my mom.

My miscarriage messed me up. I was absolutely devastated when I learned I had lost my child. But you know what happened, my mom immediately drove up to see me and tell me everything would be alright. She had been through this too, and her words and love were the most comforting of anyone.

My mom is like my teammate and my biggest fan rolled in one. Whatever I set my mind to, my mom is there to help and support me through it. She's always cheering me on and believes in me. As someone who's confidence and self-image has been massively shaken recently, I keep realizing how much I need that support.

I need my mom.

I may be 25, married, parent to a crazy puppy, living two hours from my parents, and working nearly full-time, but I still need my mom.

And I probably always will.

It doesn't matter what happens in my life, I know I can always count on her. I know that she will always love me, unconditionally, even when I make mistakes... and I have made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime. She's never given up on me once and always believes I can achieve my dream.

There's a beautiful Taylor Swift song that always reminds me of my mom (listen to it HERE) but specifically these lyrics:

My mom has been my biggest fan through dance, school, writing, and anything I've set my mind to. She's let me live, doing what I want, and believes in me through it all. She wants me to succeed, do wonderful things, and shine.

I love my mom and I need her more and more as I get older. I don't know where I'd be without her. She gave me life, saved my life, and I need her in my life more than she'll ever know.

________________________________________________________________

I promise this isn't an afterthought, but I also owe a lot to my mother-in-law Michelle. It's such a wonderful thing to get a second mom who will love and care for you no matter what. I love her so much and am so grateful that I was able to get her in my life! 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! 

April Is Over!!

Hello friends! Are you as happy as I am that April is over? It's been a weird and difficult month for me. I can only hope yours went smoother. But I'm excited for May. I love this month, my anniversary is this month, I'm starting a work weight loss challenge this month and hopefully can get happy about my body again, and have some other exciting events to go to. It'll be good.

Anyways, let's get into a rather brief review of the month of April, in no particular order.

April had some really great events, between seeing my favorite singer Jon McLaughlin and having him Tweet me saying this blog is nice... well that was basically the highlight of my year. You can read all about my concert experience HERE.

Chris and I also had the amazing opportunity to see Kyle Beckerman, captain and midfielder of the Real Salt Lake team, when he came to speak at USU. He talked a lot about how he was able to reach his goals and his dream of playing in the World Cup. I was inspired by a few of the things he said and have tried to add his wisdom into my own life.

I've gotten really into podcasts this month and have been inspired by those as well. I listen to funny podcasts, podcasts about writing, podcasts for bloggers, podcasts for YouTube, and podcasts about being happy. I have a rather brain-dead job and I can sit at work all day and listen to podcasts while still getting all my work done. It's been a rather exciting experience and I hope the lessons and inspiration I've received from listening to these podcasts will carry over to this blog.

I've also gone into major writing and planning mode. This September I will be releasing a series of short stories onto this blog, and I want them to be good. I still have a lot of writing and editing to do, but everything seems to be on track for the release date of September 17th. I really want to hype this up and get more followers to my blog beforehand so when it comes out there will be a larger response. Me releasing my stories is a big deal. I normally don't let anyone read my writing, so I'm hoping this all goes well.

*On that note, I am in need of illustrators who would be fine working for free. Any art style is welcome and you'll have a lot of personal input on how it's done. I also want a few readers to read my first drafts and fill out a form with their input. If you are interested in either of these things email me at thedancingcowblogger@gmail.com.*

Continuing on, my April started with me being sick for a week. It was a terrible week and it was the same week my baby was due. I honestly didn't even think about my baby on the due date because I was so sick. But I want to thank everyone for the response to "A Letter to My Miscarried Child".  That post was written about a month before the due date during a particularly bad moment. I have not been able to go back and read that post again since I wrote it. I have loved hearing your responses to that letter though. A lot of my pain stems from feeling so alone, like no one understands, but so many of you have addressed me personally with your own stories and it's been incredible to listen to your stories and to help give me hope for the future. So thank you, I love each and every one of my readers, and I am always looking out for you.

I believe that's it for my April review, not too much went on, and it wasn't too exciting, but I'm excited for May and everything it brings. I love you all!!

Jon McLaughlin Concert

*My blog is transitioning to a scrapbook of my life. That's what this post is.

So let's get you in the mood first:

Sister love!

Jerad Finck

JON MCLAUGHLIN!!! Oh my gosh he's so perfect!!! 

My actual view of Parachute

Zoomed in Parachute

Wednesday April 13th I drove down to SLC with my aunt and cousin to meet up with my mom, her BFF, and my sister for a girl's night! For this wonderful, magical night, we saw my absolute favorite singer of ALL TIME. Oh, and Parachute.

So first off was Jerad Finck (you have no idea how difficult it was to find the correct spelling of his name. He was on his own, no band. Just him and his guitar, and I thought he did amazing. You can hear his stuff on Spotify HERE. We felt bad because after at the tables no one was approaching him. But I got my picture with him. I thought he had awesome hair.

Then my love Jon McLaughlin came out... and I was basically dying. I'm pretty sure this was my fourth time seeing him in concert and every time he's incredible. He sounds as good, if not better, than the album version and watching him play the piano is just mesmerizing. He also played guitar for a song. He's such a perfect human being.

After his set ended... I was a little sad. It was a Parachute concert and I do like their songs, but I honestly just came for Jon and it wasn't long enough for me, though he did play my favorite off his new album, Let Go, it's amazing. It's in the video below.

So the venue was one where there are no seats and you're just standing the whole time. So my mom wanted out of the crowd and pushed her way through (seriously those people would not move). She was only gone a little while before texting my aunt and saying she was talking to Jon. So obviously I took off through the crowd and got to approach him at his table.

I don't think I've ever been so awkward in my life, but I honestly just love him so much. I got my picture with him, he signed a poster for me, and as I purchased one of his t-shirts he told me it was his favorite one of his. Basically, I died last night.

By the time Parachute went on I was stuck in the back and was not going to try to push my way back through, which is why my pictures of them are not so good. But they were amazing. I really do think they are extremely talented and deserve much more fame and recognition (although double that sentiment for Jon). You can check out Parachute's Spotify page HERE.

Overall it was a magical night. I love Jon McLaughlin. His song "Four Years" got me though high school and his music always inspires my writing and my attitude. I hear any of his songs and I smile. He's brilliantly talented and so handsome. But he (according to Facebook) is the absolute sweetest husband to his lovely wife and he has the cutest daughter like... ever. So I know I keep talking about how much I love him, but we're both happily married, there's nothing actually romantic about it. I just love him though. Chris understands... I hope.

"Let Go" - My favorite song off his new album. Sorry for the narrow, phone video. I'm working on getting a vlogging camera for various reasons, but this is one of them. 

Parachute! There's a weird cut in this video, I had paused the recording.