Not A Mother

I haven't blogged in a while, and coming this Saturday I hope you understand why. Life is so unexpected as it constantly just takes us for a wild ride. We never know what's going to happen, what to expect, and how to react.

Things are difficult. Things always seem to be difficult for me, but this week especially. Because this was the week I was supposed to become a mother. My baby was due this Saturday. And I don't see how I could possibly just sit back and watch this week roll by without thinking of it.

I was supposed to become a mother, but I'm not, and I don't know when I will be. How long will it take till I know again? Weeks? Months? Years? And even if I do get pregnant again, will I lose that one too?

I'm so sick of unanswered questions. I'm so sick of life not feeling fair. I'm so sick of hurting and crying and not being happy. I'm so sick of being stuck surrounded by people who don't understand. I'm so sick of waiting to become a mother.

I'm not a mother and I want to be and none of this seems fair.