Don't Open The Box

I learned a very valuable lesson at work today. I'm a janitor. So lessons are few other than you know, learning how to clean, but it basically routine now. (Does that make me a master janitor?)

But today was different because I learned something new.

It started out the same as any other day at work. Just joking around with my coworker (Todd), telling each other stories from our day (honestly sometimes I think he knows way too much about my life), and, you know, eventually doing our actual jobs (this is all a joke because we actually work really well together and get a lot done).

It was my day to get recycling and garbage as opposed to vacuuming, which is always an exciting day because that vacuum can be really heavy sometimes. So I get through the first office and move onto the next, going through to get all the recycling.

There is a particular office where he oddly puts his garbage can in the recycling bin. Today there were papers in the recycling bin, an unfolded box between the desk and the bins, and a closed box sitting on top of the garbage can. Picking up the box, it seemed empty so I chose to put it with recycling, you know, to save the environment.

To make the box fit with the rest of the recycling and went to open it, without a second thought. Little did I know, opening that box would bring nightmares for the rest of eternity. It was like a Christmas present from the devil himself. In that small box was a live cockroach.

I immediately set the box down, trying so very hard not to scream because people will still working in that office and I didn't want to create a scene. I ran to Todd, my heart racing and my whole body shivering with just the thought of seeing that cockroach again. I breathlessly told him what I had just seen.

Todd, of course, laughed at my dramatic display but bravely went forward to vanquish my evil foe! (See? I'm dramatic.) Todd picked up the box and went away from the working employees, stole a pair of scissors from someones desk and proceeded to cut the cockroach's head off. Except cockroaches can still live without their heads, at least for a while. So he then threw the cockroach on the ground and killed it with his shoe. Todd was my hero today.

I think we all learned two valuable lessons from this story: 

1. If you see a closed box on top of a garbage can, DON'T OPEN THE BOX!!! 
2. Never trust your office scissors... you never know if the janitors do unspeakable things with them when you aren't there.