One Year Ago Today...

I've been meaning to write this story on my blog for the past year. But it's a difficult topic and while my story is pretty tame, it was still an experience I'll never forget.

April of 2013 was like a whirlwind of emotions for me. I was planning my wedding and there was just so much to do! The flowers turned out wrong, my dress alterations turned out wrong, everything was stressing me out and I had so much to do! I had multiple appointments in a week with the cake place, the venue, etc. So when it came time to make my first appointment with a gynecologist to get on birth control, it was just another appointment and another thing to check off my to-do list.

I went into the appointment with my mom by my side (yes I was 22 but it was my first time, it's not like she held my hand or anything (also, if any boys are reading this just remember that this is a story about the gynecologist, try not to freak out when I say weird things)). The doctor was incredibly nice. I wasn't nervous or anxious or anything. I was completely calm and thinking, "just put me on birth control and let me go home".

...But as she was doing the exam she found a mole. A dark, large, irregular mole.

 She told me it was probably fine but she wanted to do a biopsy to make sure. So I made an appointment to visit again a few days later. I began feeling my stress level increase. I had all these wedding things to deal with while also working practically full-time and now in the back of my mind I was thinking about this mole.

I went in for the appointment and she ended up removing most of the mole and getting it sent in to be tested. She made me feel at ease about the whole thing so I was able to relax a bit more. Also, it was the first time I've ever gotten stitches and that made me feel kind of cool, but it was pretty much in the worst place ever so working in a daycare later that day was not fun. Also having your lady parts numbed is the weirdest thing in the world, just FYI.

Only two days passed and I was woken up to phone call from a nurse. She spoke very quickly and began to explain that they had made an appointment for me with a dermatologist to remove the area around where the mole was because they had found traces of melanoma.

I remember my heart just stopping when I heard it. All I could hear going through my mind was "CANCER! CANCER! CANCER!" I couldn't find it in me to cry I just was in shock, just sitting there wondering what was going to happen. Would it ruin my wedding and my marriage to Chris? Would I have issues with cancer the rest of my life? And of course, would my life be cut shorter than I wanted?

After the phone call I immediately knelt down and said a prayer. I don't remember everything that was said but I know I mainly asked for peace. I wanted to be calm. I knew it could potentially be something horrible, but I simply wanted to remain calm.

After my prayer I called Chris (at the time we were living two hours from each other). I think I may have teared up during the phone call because I was about to marry this man and I didn't want anything ruining our perfect life together. I could hear how worried Chris was over the phone and it made me more upset knowing he was stressing out about me. We agreed to stay calm and think positively. I wanted so badly for him to be there so he could hold me and tell me everything would be okay, but I had to put on my big girl pants and get to work.

I called my mom while getting ready and told her the news. She was able to stay calm and keep me calm as well (she's amazing). She made arrangements to come to the next appointment with me because she wanted to be around to make sure everything would turn out okay, and I honestly wanted her there as well.

Time came for the next appointment with a dermatologist. He looked over the mole and looked over the notes from the lab. He then proceeded to tell me that he was too uncomfortable removing that much area in that certain place (because ladies, let's be honest, the skin in weird down there). He made some phone calls and made another appointment for me with another dermatologist, one with a bit more experience. Honestly I was grateful that this doctor told me upfront he was uncomfortable with it instead of just trying to do it. But this only meant more doctors looking at my hoo-ha.

When the time came for my next appointment there was only one week left until my wedding. I was so incredibly stressed out and concerned about this issue. It was all I could think about and I was so worried all the time.

My mom and I went in to the doctors and he looked over the area said he could do this was comfortable with it and said we could get it done in a week. My mom and I exchanged looks and he immediately called us out on it. We explained to him that my wedding was next week. He laughed and said I could get it done after the honeymoon because, ahem, of where it was.

With that information my mom and I asked him more about the mole. This was the first time a doctor didn't stress me out about it. He said that he wasn't worried about it spreading at all in that time. He said I would be completely fine and that the initial biopsy had removed most of it, they simply wanted to remove the surrounding area to protect me and my health.

I honestly breathed a sigh of relief and wondered why none of the other doctors had said this before. I had been stressing out for no reason! Well, a little bit of reason, but I didn't need to let it control my life.

After that appointment I was able to get married and forget all about my mole. I enjoyed my honeymoon and my new married life with Chris.

The time came for the procedure and Chris and I drove down from Logan to get it done. As I was lying in the chair my whole body was shaking with nerves. Besides the previous biopsy, I've never had any medical procedures in my life and I could help from being a little scared. Chris comforted me the best he could but when my body starts shaking like that I can't stop it (it happens when I donate plasma too).

The procedure went by fine. I only felt little pricks and the weirdness of them stitching me back up (seriously, stitches are so weird and just imagine getting them down there, weirdest feeling ever). Everything was fine again. Chris and I even went to the zoo after a nap (but the numbness wore off and I actually found myself in a lot of pain walking around the zoo, sadness).

Which leads us to this day. One year ago today I picked up my phone to find a voicemail. I opened it up and listened as the doctored pronounced me clean and clear. I had no more traces of melanoma.

Having gone through this I have to be protective of my skin now, because it's likely to come back, but I've been able to move on from this and mostly forget about it. But whenever I think back on it I'm so grateful for the doctors, my mom, my neighbor who knew and said she was praying for me, my wonderful husband, and the experience that helped change my perspective on things.

Cancer is still one of my biggest fears. I had an aunt die of cancer, I know so many people who have been affected by it, and it's seriously the devil, it's the absolute worst thing out there. But I think now I'm more protective of myself. I notice when I get new moles (and Chris freaks out, it's kind of cute) and I'm definitely more cautious in the sun. I think the experience taught me to never hold back. To keep moving forward and follow your dreams. You'll always hit bumps in the roads but sometimes they aren't nearly as big as you think they are, and you can't let them stop you.

Keep moving forward. Keep moving towards the ultimate goal of living your life to the fullest. 

That is what my cancer scare taught me. I really am grateful for the experience and for the changes it made in me and I'm truly grateful for one year ago today.

Five on Friday: Huge Announcement!!

It has been a long time since I've done a Five on Friday post! I do these posts as a link-up with The Good Life Blog. It's a great way to meet new bloggers so if you can't joined in already, you should! 

one

Classes started back up last week and I already feel behind. I suppose it just hasn't fully sunk in that I'm back in school and I just want to work and do my own thing. I have also been sick a lot so I did not start out on a good foot. Not to mention that my classes are all pretty boring, yet a ton of work. I have to read six Shakespeare plays, and five Robert Louis Stevenson books. Anyways, school's back in session which means (if my record holds true) I'll be writing more posts on this blog to avoid doing homework. Because that's just what happens.

two

I have been sick for forever and I am so supremely sick of being sick! My goodness! And it just keeps getting worse and doctors don't help and I'm sick of it. I don't have much else to say on the matter, just read my post from earlier this week although, I did visit the the doctors again and had a fever, got more pills, missed two days of classes and got way behind, and missed an entire week of work. Major hit financially, but it was really good for me to rest this week.

three

My obsession with Meghan Rosette has grown. I think I'm onto full blown stalker now. I majorly stalk her on Instagram and Twitter but mostly I just sit on my couch and watch her Youtube videos, wishing my wardrobe could look half as good as hers, or if I could even own half as many things as she does. She's just a very bubbly and uplifting person and that's why I love watching her so much.

four

I want to become more of a fashion blogger!!! This is partly because of my Meghan Rosette obsession but also of my love for my good friend Kalee's blog, Fred Rongo. After seeing Kalee's success I grew jealous and realized that the two most popular types of blogs out there are fashion and parenting. I'm not a parent yet but I can certainly attempt to do fashion. So in the upcoming weeks I will be adding a Fashion tab to the top of my blog and posting much more about my own personal wardrobe (even though I'm struggling to like it) and also hair and makeup stuff. If you have any helpful suggestions or tips for me please leave a comment below!

And now drum roll please... Here's my huge announcement!!! 

five

Starting February 1st I'm doing my own link-up!! This is a special Valentines Day link-up that I hope to do annually. Remember in elementary school when we made little mailboxes and everyone in class handed out little valentines to everyone? Well this is sort of like that. Except that these are E-Valentines meant to represent you and your blog (but honestly you could just make a Valentine like the picture above and I'd be happy with that too).

Please spread the word about this upcoming link-up because... after linking up your own Valentine, you can vote for your five favorites and the winner with the most votes will win a $25 gift card to Target (the price may go up if I can find helpers to share this link-up and contribute, leave a comment below or send me an email if you'd like to help out). Full details will come on February 1st and voting starts February 2nd, so mark your calendars and get ready for the Ultimate Valentine Card Exchange!

Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram to stay updated with the Valentine Exchange and other happenings on my blog! 

THANKS FOR READING!!! 

My Sickness Story

It all started after Thanksgiving (yes, that long ago). I woke up the week after Thanksgiving with a sore throat. But I had no other symptoms so I tried to ignore it. A few days later the sore throat was gone but now I had a runny/stuffy nose. And then that was the only symptom and while it was annoying, I was, for the most part, fine.

A week after the sore throat it all combined into a cold. Not the worst cold I've ever had, but a cold none the less. I was still able to go about work and school (finals week actually) normally because my symptoms weren't so severe.

The cold persisted and finally, the day before Christmas Eve I noticed a white spot in the back of my throat and I immediately assumed something was wrong considering my sore throat had started almost three weeks prior.

We drove home on Christmas Eve and I was so caught up in the excitement of Christmas that I was able to mostly forget about my cold, except for the occasional cough. Later that night I checked my throat again and the white spot was gone and I felt (oddly enough) significantly better. As my Christmas break continued, I found myself feeling better and better.

Everything was going great again until after New Years and I went snowboarding. Being on the mountain in the snow (despite how warm it was that day) brought back my runny nose. My nose was so runny on that trip, in fact, that I rubbed the skin on my nose raw with my snow gloves just from that one day on the mountain.

That runny nose turned into a real cold again, but with no sore throat, yet a horrible cough. A cough that made me leave class for water on the first day because I couldn't breathe because I had been coughing for the past five minutes. Almost right after that class we visited the wellness center on campus which is free for students.

The doctor there looked over me and determined that I was fine. He said everything looked good, at the moment I wasn't coughing at all, and he deemed it just a cold. He briefly considered strep, bronchitis, and even mono but never tested those theories. He prescribed me some medicine which I started taking that night.

Just the day after first taking the medicine I felt supremely better! I had more energy, I wasn't coughing nearly as much, and my nose wasn't runny anymore. I was so happy that the medicine had worked!

... but apparently it was only temporary.

As soon as his prescription was gone, I woke up the next day with a sore throat. The day after that (yesterday) was even worse, major ear pain, extremely stuffed up nose, sinus headache, sore throat, constantly sneezing, overly exhausted, and feeling worse than I had through the whole duration of this sickness. I even took work off to rest and slept forever.

So now I want to visit a real doctor and figure out what is really wrong with me. I know I have a horrible immune system but let's be honest, this is getting ridiculous. It's been over a month, my husband hasn't gotten sick through this whole ordeal despite the fact that he still constantly kisses me when I'm sick (love him to death for it too), and it's taking a huge hit on my body physically, emotionally, and financially (because I have to miss work because I basically am too tired to do anything, also, doctors and medicine cost way too much).

What was your longest cold? Also, if you have any tips or advice to get me better, please leave a comment below! 

THANKS FOR READING!!! 

Plasma! The Experience

I make a point to live my life continually helping others. That's why I want to be a teacher, that's the main reason I started this blog and do Charity of the Month. I love that feeling I get inside when I know I've helped someone else. So I figured what better way to help others than to potentially save lives by donating plasma and earn some extra money doing it?

...but it did not turn out how I expected.

I had felt completely prepared. Yes, last year I had nearly fainted while getting my TB test done. But I hadn't eaten or drank much that day so I felt I could blame it on that. And so I knew that my fear of needles affected my body when getting shots so I had prepared by eating a big meal, drinking lots of water, and having my husband tell me the whole process so there would be no surprises. I felt prepared.

So after a delicious meal at Subway we went to Biomat and signed in. I was calm in the waiting room. I was calm when they called me into a tiny, claustrophobic room to check my veins. I was still calm when they called me in again because the first girl hadn't felt confident when checking my veins (apparently I have very small veins).

I was calm through the first checkup where they pricked my finger (which really hurt and still hurts when typing) and took a sample of my blood. I even watched as she showed me the blood and the plasma and was still completely calm. I was even calm when they weighed me and I learned that I've gained a lot of weight recently (which was disappointing, but honestly not that much of a surprise, it's easy to tell when you can't fit in half your pants).

I was calm (and relieved) when I had to give a urine sample. I was calm when the lady read through the disclaimer/information with the most perfect voice for the fine print of commercials (she must have a lot of practice). And I was still calm through the physical checkup.

Everything was going great, my body and blood were good enough to donate, I was perfectly calm and was admitted into the donation room. I waited in a chair and read my book, still calm. While waiting, my husband finished donating and came over to reassure me and tell me he would pick me up when I was done. They eventually called me to the desk and I was finally taken to my big donation chair.

... and that's when I stopped being calm.

When I get scared, especially if there is a needle involved, my body shakes violently. It happened when I had a medical procedure done this year, it happened when I was getting my root canal, it just happens and I'm fairly used to it. So I wasn't incredibly surprised when it started happening, but it was pretty amazing how much I was shaking, and how I honestly couldn't stop, but more on that in a minute.

They think I'm shaking because I'm cold, which I slightly was, so they hand me my jacket and I cover myself with it and hold it appropriate so I don't have to see the needle (which I never did). The needle was in, I was pumping my hand to help the blood flow and watching X-Men and thinking "This isn't so bad, I'm doing fine." And I was doing fine. The machine neared the end of taking my blood. It was all going really well.

Suddenly I start feeling nauseous. So I raise my hand to tell the worker and as soon as she get over this overpowering heat comes over me and I start sweating like crazy and felt dizzy. If I would have been standing, I would have definitely passed out. So I was suddenly surrounded by different workers putting something under my feet to elevate them, giving me water, placing an ice pack under my neck, and they started putting the blood back in me. They gave me a very delicious Strawberry-Kiwi Capri Sun and I felt tons better.

They wanted to try again but had to move the needle to a different place in my vein, which I didn't even feel happen, which was good. So the machine started up again. I'm watching Wolverine, feeling fine, texting my husband, pumping my hand, and everything was fine again.

Until the machine neared the end of taking my blood again, and the girl beside me threw up. Then I started sweating again and feeling incredibly dizzy. I moved the ice pack to my forehead, they changed the machine to put my blood back, give my the saline solution, and end my session, because they very kindly didn't want me to nearly pass out for a third time.

However, at this point my husband had to get to work and I had fifteen minutes to get to work. But I was being held down by this cold saline solution that caused my body to shake furiously, even more that it had ever had before. I'm given another Capri-Sun, this time Grape and it's freezing cold, making me shake even harder, which didn't seem possible at this point but still happened.

I try texting my boss and telling him that I'm going to be late, but realize I have the wrong number! So I'm panicking, shaking like crazy, they're worried I'm going to pass out again, my husband is working at we only have one car so I'm literally stuck there, and I don't know what to do!!!

Finally they unhook me from the machine but make me continue to lay there, sipping my water until I feel better. I'm able to sit up, wait a minute, testing to see if I'm dizzy at all, I'm not so I'm able to get up and go over to the window where I get my visa card with $25 on it (I feel so rich!).

I run (but not really) out of the building, my body is still shaking violently, I call up my coworker Todd and tell him to tell everyone I'm late, because at that point it's already 5:00 which is when I'm supposed to be there. Todd gets worried when I tell him I basically passed out and that's why I was late, but started laughing when he learned it was from donating plasma.

My husband, while on a pizza delivery, is able to pick me up and take me to work. He gave me money to buy food to make sure I didn't pass out again. PS, little distraction here, my husband is incredible! He was freaking out when I told him I nearly passed out (because I texted him when it happened the first time) and he was incredibly concerned for my health. He's amazing. I love him so much and he loves me. :)

Halfway through work I get dizzy again and sit on the stairs while my coworker Paul (Todd's dad) tells me a random story from Todd's childhood. I love working with Paul. Finally during my break I'm able to buy food (from the vending machine because everything else closed early due to Thanksgiving Break). Everything turned out fine.

Was this worth the $25? I'm still not sure. Did I get that "I just helped someone" feeling? Not at all. Will I go again? I honestly don't know yet. But it was an experience that I won't soon forget. 

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!!

Hey blogging world! I hope you're as excited for 2013 as I am... because I'M GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR!!! :)

Anyways, as is customary, I have a few New Years Resolutions to start out 2013. I hope you have all thought up so new resolutions, and if not, (if you're in Utah like me) then you still have a couple hours. And actually, I think it's acceptable to still be thinking of resolution on New Years Day. I'll allow it.

So, without any further ado, here are my 2013 New Years Resolutions:

1. To limit my income of sugar and salt. (when I die, they doctors will say "Woah!! She ate way too much salt!" because I do, daily. I just eat it. It's delicious and a horrible addiction. So my goal is to stop that and only use it when necessary (like on everything... just kidding))

2. To learn to love cooking. (I'm getting married this year and for Christmas this year I got a binder to hold recipes (that is adorable!) so I really want to start cooking more. Besides, I have a million recipes on my Pinterest page just waiting to be tried!!)

3. To become more flexible. (I've been taking a flexibility class... so here's hoping!)

4. To become a better friend. (Yeah... I don't have a lot of friends it seems so I figure if I work harder to be a better friend it will help. But, the friends I do have are the greatest in the world! I love them all so much!!)

5. To work harder for my education. (The past three years I've been in college feel like a waste considering I have to retake like 4 or 5 classes. I need to push myself harder! This is my year to be a better student!!)

6. To learn ways to spend less money. (I've been a little addicted to Extreme Couponing lately. They spend like $8 on $500 worth of groceries!! It's ridiculous! I don't want to be quite that extreme, but I do want to save money anyway I can. Money will be really tight once I get married in May, but Chris and I are both willing to work hard and save wherever we can.)

7. To (finally) get my six-pack. (I know I can do it!!! For Christmas I got Jillian Michaels' Six Weeks to Six Pack workout video and I fully intend to make it work. I will have a six-pack by May for my wedding. I will!!!)

8. To be more organized and clean. (It's not that I'm a terribly messy person, and I do like this organized, but if anyone were to walk in my room right now... it's kind of impossible to walk in my room right now. I just have too much stuff! I need to de-clutter and organize what I have so that when I move in with Chris he isn't appalled by my mass amount of junk (yes I have a very large collection of clothes, but that is not going out... ever))

9. To blog more!!! (I really love writing on this blog! It makes me happy and I love sharing my thoughts and ideas with you! I also really want this blog to be helpful for others. So please leave your comments and tell me what you think. Also, remember that any proceeds I get from this blog go to charity, so spread the word. The more followers I get, the more money I'll have to send to charities! (by way of Charity of the Month, which doesn't currently exist because I don't have enough followers, please share this page with others!))

10. To love Chris more each and every day! (I'm so excited to get married this year!! Chris really is my soulmate, and he deserves for me to show it to him every single day! Love you Christopher!)

The Curse of a Weak Immune System

I realize that this will only sound as an exaggeration, but I swear it's true! I was sick all three years of high school. Seriously. I cannot remember I time that I wasn't sick. I was always coughing, stuffed up, getting sinus headaches, always tired. As if being in high school isn't stressful enough, add constantly being drunk on cough syrup.

But my curse ended May of my senior year of high school. It was the week before my ballroom team performance. We had dance practices from 2:30 till 10:00 PM. I was constantly at the school, I hardly even went home, I couldn't go into work (and ended up getting fired for it) and, as always, I was sick. I was coughing and was having a difficult time breathing. (random side note, I also got food poisoning that week along with a couple other members of my team. Curse you Del Taco!!)

So it was three days before our first performance. They had me run my solo in costume on the stage so they could get the lighting right. I finish my 3:50 minute solo, go off the stage and sit in the audience, trying to catch my breath. I was trying to breathe normally, but it wasn't really working. About a half hour goes past and I still haven't caught my breath.

My pediatrician-in-training best friend decided to put her training to use. She called my mom and told her I needed to see a doctor. She talked to our coaches and told them that I couldn't dance anymore. So thanks to her, my mom came and we headed off to the doctors.

The clinic closed at 9:00 and we went in at about 8:45. They weren't very happy about that. So they send me in a room with my mom and the doctor lady comes in with her stethoscope. She puts it on my back and tells me to take deep breaths. Okay. Well even at this point, I hadn't fully caught my breath. So I'm trying the best I can.

"No! Like this." The doctor began doing yoga breaths to show me how to breathe. OH! Because at 18 I had no idea how to breathe. Come on doctor. We came in and told you I was having trouble breathing, give me a break.

"Well since you won't breathe deeply for me, you're going to have to get an x-ray." Oh yes! I was so excited! I had never gotten an x-ray before! So they get an x-ray of my chest.

While waiting for the results, they check my temperature. My mom kindly asks if I have a fever. The doctor give my mom an evil look. Yes. I had a high fever. But doctor, I had been at the school since 6:30 that morning. My mom hadn't seen me all day! How was she supposed to know I had a fever? And since I had been dancing most the time, I never thought that I might have a fever.

"Left lobe pneumonia." Was my verdict. (PS, I never got to see my x-ray! Lame! Also, this summer I got an x-ray on my foot, didn't get to see that one either! It's like doctors hate me and my want to see an x-ray!)

I was prescribed these major heavy duty pills. Only got six of them for of $90. So I rested as much as I could the next day (ended up nearly failing a class for missing that one day of school! I still don't like you Mr. Caldwell!) and started dancing again the day after.

But somehow, after getting pneumonia, I stopped getting sick all the time! My immune system was healed!! I got a cold in college maybe once a year, but they were never that bad or lasted very long. I was healed! .... until I started working in a daycare.

Since starting my job two and a half months ago, I've gotten sick twice now. I'm pretty sure I was only better from being sick for like a week before I started feeling sick again.

... umm... so that was really long and pointless to get to my main point:

If you currently have pneumonia, come give me a hug. Because maybe getting pneumonia again will cure me. 

 I'm serious. I'm sick of being sick.