My Life Without a Job

I have this annoying tight feeling in my chest because I'm constantly worrying about how on earth we are going to pay our bills next month. I'm pretty sure it's impossible. We don't have enough money to do it. Chris's job doesn't work him enough for him to be making tons of money and I still can't even find a job!

Here's how I spend my typical days at home: I wake up around 10:00 AM (8:30 today because of the freaking loud lawn mower outside our window that literally sounds like an airplane about to crash through our window, it's happened three times since we've moved in and every time I'm terrified). I eat breakfast. Tell myself to workout, but don't. Shower. Then sit and watch episodes of Friends while my hair dries (except now I've gone through all the seasons of Friends so I'm not quite sure what to do). Then eat lunch. Look for the nonexistent job opening available. Then sit at home and watch movies while my husband goes to work. Then I go to bed. Half the time, I don't even do my hair or makeup. Because why would I when I literally have nothing to do and no where to go.

I've applied for at least fifteen different jobs and haven't received a single phone call, email or interview. I went through the phone book and wrote down numbers for all the places I would most like to work, I called a page and a half of businesses, and only one of those was hiring. I applied for it online, but it was perhaps the worst job application I've ever filled out. It didn't ask for anything. They don't know anything about me from that application. It's a good thing it let me upload my resume, because there's a lot more information about me and my work history on there than in that whole application.

I absolutely, positively, 100% HATE not working. I've been working since I was fifteen. That's seven years of working with probably only six months of unemployment during that time. Oftentimes I would be working more than one job at a time. I LOVE working! I love that feeling of accomplishment. I love feeling like I'm helping people through my job (I've been a childcare provider, custodian, cashier, receptionist and more and all gave me that special feeling you get when you do service). I love feeling responsible. I love working hard to make my own money and working to afford my life.

...but I can't afford my life anymore. And I don't even do anything! I sit at home literally all day and never spend a single cent, yet I'm almost positive we won't be able to pay our bills next month.

Next week I'm going to go to a temp agency and see if they have anything available for me. I'm going to keep applying and calling and dropping off resumes and doing everything I can to get a job, but quite honestly, I'm feeling so discouraged and upset that I haven't found a job already that I'm losing hope.

I hate being unemployed. It makes me feel awful and sad. I have so much work experience in many different areas of work that it's just so frustrating that I can't find a job. I'm sad and upset and bored out of my mind.

I just want to find a job soon.