Thoughts On General Conference October 2016

Hello friends! I'm feeling really emotional today. Maybe it's my cold that's already making my eyes (and nose) water or that it's October or that my birthday is coming up or that it's General Conference or that I cannot tell you the last time I cried (that's a literal achievement). There's a lot going on. So this post is basically pouring out my heart.

This weekend is General Conference. I remember last October conference very well. I went on a trip with my family to St. George. We listened to the sessions while driving and went to a musical at Tuacahn. Oh. And I was pregnant.

My mom took me shopping in St. George and bought me some maternity clothes. We had talked a lot about my future child and how excited we all were for it. My baby was the first grandchild in the family and all of us were so excited to welcome them into the family.

But... as fate would have it, a few weeks later my baby stopped growing. It took a couple weeks for me to realize and on my birthday on November 4th, I had a surgical procedure to remove the fetus from my body.

I was no longer pregnant. I no longer had a child. My parents were no longer going to be grandparents. And I was no longer going to be a mother.

It sucked. And that's putting it extremely lightly.

My whole plan for my life had collapsed. I was lost and I didn't know what to do. The next year of my life had been planned around being a mother and now...

When April General Conference rolled around I barely registered it. I'm pretty sure I had it playing in the background of my apartment but I didn't pay attention. April Conference had landed the week before my baby was supposed to be due.

I was angry and bitter. I was horribly depressed. I was in pieces. I was confused. I was lost. I didn't have friends or anyone to talk to. I felt so alone and helpless.

I had prayed every day of my pregnancy that my baby would be safe. And I prayed for a few weeks after my miscarriage that I would be comforted. And then I just stopped.

I don't remember what triggered it, my return to the gospel. I think all it took was one more prayer. One prayer asking my Father in Heaven for help.

I started going to church again. I started (occasionally) praying again. I started making an effort to take control of my life.

This weekend, listening to General Conference I'm reminded how blessed we are to hear the words of God through modern day prophets. I believe, with all my heart, that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet called of God. The messages that he shares with us each conference are the words of God, the words we need to hear most.

I'm not perfect. I still make so many mistakes. I have things to repent for and changes to make. I don't consistently pray or read my scriptures.  I still have work to do to get my testimony stronger. I still struggle now and again, those feelings of anger coming back to me. But God has never once given up on me and I would be crazy to ever give up on Him.

I'm not a perfect member of the church, nor do I think anyone really is. But I know that this church is true and as long as I center my life around God, then I know I'm in a better place.

I love General Conference and I urge each of you, members or not, to watch the Sunday sessions and see what you can take from it. There's so much information, but as long as you take one small thing from it, then its done it's job.

Never give up on God. Because he will never give up on you.

If you would like information on General Conference or the LDS church in general, you can visit www.mormon.org. You can also send me an email at thedancingcowblogger@gmail.com and I would be happy to send you a Book of Mormon.