On Independence Day after games and food, my brother pulled out the "Table Topics" and began asking the whole family some questions. During the game, the following question came up:
"Do you live more in the past, present, or future?"
Everyone gave their answers and I had to think only briefly on my own. The future. I am constantly just waiting for future things to happen. I make big goals and plans for myself and dream about them coming true, so much that I forget to focus on what's going on now.
I don't think that living in the future is always a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with me wanting to have my twins with me now instead of waiting another two months. (Yes, only two-ish months until my girls will be born, that's insane.) And it's incredibly realistic for me to make plans to lose weight after my twins come because I physically can't do it now. However, it's more the aspect of my career choices where living in the future puts me at a disadvantage.
You, my blog readers, should know more than anyone that I'm constantly making goals for the future of this blog. I plan and dream about what it could become, but whenever it comes to actually hitting publish on a blog post, it's not good enough for me. I want it to be the blog that I see in my dreams, the future blog that's in my head.
The same is true with my ultimate goal of being a writer. I keep pushing off sharing anything because I'm terrified. I want my book to be that magical book that everyone wants to read, and even though I have been working on the same book since I was 18 years old, I keep editing, revising, changing, and telling myself it's not good enough because it's not the book I see in the future that brings me fame and fortune. (Ha ha)
In my actual career choices, I keep settling for jobs that I don't love, telling myself that eventually, in the future, I'll be able to have a job that I love. I get jobs for the money or for the convince instead of actually pursuing something that I want.
Let's be clear, there is nothing wrong with dreaming about the future and wanting more for our lives. But I believe that I have an issue on my hands.
Where my blog and my writing is concerned, I will never reach my future goals unless I start acting now. I can dream all I want about "Heroes & Villains" becoming a big hit, but unless I sit down in the present and write, it's never going to be what I see in my mind.
I let my current job, money, and laziness get in the way of doing something to progress into who I want to be. Yes, there are many instances where if I had more money, I could do the things I want with my blog, but there are ways around my money problems. And if I ever want my blog to start making money for me, I have to actually post things!
I'm so used to saying "SOMEDAY..." but why don't I ever do something today? I need to focus on today. I need to just sit down and write. I need to apply for the jobs that I want. I need to get out and do things instead of putting them off for the future.
I can't promise that I'm suddenly going to do this and have blog posts all the time, but I know I'm going to try harder. I'm ready to start letting my blog be what it is now instead of thinking only of what it could be. I deserve it, you deserve it, and this blog deserves it.
