Changes Are Coming...

Hello blogging and internet world! You are probably all wondering where I have run off to for the past month. I've pretty much vanished from the blogging and social media world and have been pretty much non-existent for a while.

You're probably thinking that working more hours is keeping me away. Or perhaps that my husband's laptop broke for a few days, and now magically works again. Or that my horrible immune system got me sick again, which it did. Or maybe you think I'm having so much fun living in Texas that I'm too busy to blog.

Well you're pretty much wrong. There is no real reason behind my absence. I just haven't wanted to blog. I feel horrible saying that! Ugh!

While I have been working more, the laptop did break, I am currently sick, and living in Texas is fun, the majority of my time I have been spending on our laptop writing, a book, not blogging. Since I was about nine years old I've been writing stories and while the answer to what I want to be when I grow up has changed a million times and I still haven't decided (even though many people may already consider me "grown up") I have never once strayed from the idea that I want, no, am going to get one of my books published someday. So that has been one of my focuses lately.

I honestly do feel bad about my absence from this blog, because I genuinely love writing and love this blog. I just can't find the motivation. I can't get into it lately. I started writing a post last week and gave up. I don't really know what's wrong.

I really hope I get get my blogging vibe/motivation back, and while I'm at it I may be giving my blog a makeover. I think one of the biggest things lately that's bringing me down about blogging is that my blog is almost two years old yet I have significantly less followers than my friend's blog who has only been around a few months longer than mine. It's discouraging. But at the same time how can I get more followers if I stop blogging? I can't!

Anyways, the point of this post is to tell you that I haven't forgotten about you and the blogging world. But there is so much personally I've been going through that I've had other priorities.

I've been struggling a lot these past few months trying to figure out what it is I want to do with my life. College makes me depressed. I don't even know if I want to be a teacher anymore. I've lost my direction. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been feeling incredibly lost.

However I think I've decided to make a change, and I will talk about it it greater length in a later post (hopefully) but ultimately I'm going live my life doing things that make me happy. I've struggled too long with my depression and while I know it can never fully go away, I'm tired of forcing myself to do stuff that makes me upset and feel more depressed just because the world expects me to do it. I'm going to do the things that make me happy rather than what's expected of me.

Somethings are still uncertain, but I'm figuring out how to reshape myself to be happy, be proactive, more positive, and ultimately never let my depression control my life ever again. I'm twenty-three years old and I'm ready to start living the way I want to.

Because I am working on reshaping my life, there will also be many changes on this blog. It may have a new focus in the near future. I'm still trying to figure it all out. I can't tell you what's going to happen, but I do know I'm not abandoning this blog. It just may take me some time to get back into the swing of things.

I truly love all my blogging/internet followers/friends!! You are all so incredible and you inspire me! You make this so fun for me and I'm continually amazed that you enjoy reading my random thoughts. I'm not giving up on you and I hope you haven't given up on me yet.